Back to online diary(ing)

WOW. I could still use back my old blog address!

I have stopped blogging for so many years, and it was something I once enjoyed doing. I like to pen down the happy occasions, give funny captions to the photos we took, and laugh while writing it all down. As I recap the happy times again and again while I write, it brought me alot of joy. (Oh, blogspot cannot insert emoji ahz, spoiler.)

It was fun when my friends read it and enjoyed my blog. Then somehow I lost the interest and stop, and I deleted away my blog, along with all the painstaking effort I made all those years of blogging. 

When I had my firstborn, I had tried to restart blogging again, to pen down the many memories I have with him, because I'm afraid I might forget many details in time to come (which is happening now). I did start a blog, but I ended it as soon as I started it, I don't know why I still wasn't very motivated to blog then. Well, spending quality time with R is much more important mahz, right? hee...


But, this I indeed have some regrets about. It would be nice, if today, while my R is going 4 years old, I can read about the funny stuffs he did when he was 4 months old. Not that I can't recall what he was like when he was a baby, but it is really strange, many things are becoming a blur, like a distance memory when it is actually should not be? Everytime I scroll through his baby photos, I need to dig deeper, think harder to recall the memories of those times, and this memory loss is worse after I had C, my #2.

So now, I thought, will I start to forget again? Or, maybe have a layer of "fog" blur out my precious core memories, which is equally bad. Because I would really really want to remember and relive all these amazing or not so amazing moments again. Panicking a little at my worsening memory capability, I decided to start blogging again, to pen down the remarkable motherhood journey I embarked upon. 

And maybe someday in the future, my children can read about their birth stories, their childhood stories and the challenges they pose to us. Maybe by then, they are parents too and need some encouragement to overcome a difficult moment, or some real examples of overcoming the challenges of being parents, they can read this blog and be inspired. Maybe their other halves can read this too, and know that it is not possible to be the perfect parents, just be the best parents you can be, for your children.

Of course I am no guru, and I don't intend to be one or pretend to be one for my future in-laws. And here is a reminder for myself, if I have become a MIL, do not give too many kind advice, do not nag and do not make unnecessary comments on how they want to bring up your grandchildren! 

This blog is an outlet for me to rant, write and relive my experiences. It would be just be really awesome, if this blog last long enough, for my children or even grandchildren to read and laugh or cry about what their parents or grandparents went through. I would love to read, if my parents or grandparents have a blog, or even a diary they keep that I can read. Especially if I know, I will be mentioned in it. Hmm... now that I think back about what a kid I have been growing up, I don't think I will like what I read or even want to encourage R or C to read it. :X

Anyway, currently I am going through this scary phenomenon of blanking out when I try hard to recall something that just happened. Like the brain really emptied itself, and I can't recall why I stepped into the room, to pick up my watch or to brush my hair? When I try to recall the name of the online store I bought my carrier from, and my brain's memory space could offer no suggestions, like a complete blank, a total white or black screen. I have no idea when this is going to end, although I have a bit of improvement as compared to 2 months earlier, now have more fuzzy images than blank screen. Maybe I can blog about this in detail later (if I can remember to). =p

Finally, to start off:

I officially became a mom on, Thursday, 6th December 2012, 1824hrs @ 38weeks+1day.
R was born 3.255kg, 50cm long.

Baby R

Then I welcome my second bundle of love on Saturday, 30th April 2016, 1945hrs @ 39weeks+6days.
C was born 3.785kg, 51.5cm long.

Baby C

My two babies side by side 😍😚

Don't be deceive by the photos. R has a louder and more persistent cry. He really cried for a long long time after he was out, and very loud. I remember I was shaking and feeling really uncomfortable, while doctor was trying to stitch me up, and I can hear R wailing some distance away. When he was generally cleaned and swaddled, the nurse placed him awkwardly on my neck, really it is not chest, it's the neck and I struggled to take a closer look at him.

Dark, bloated, and really not cute lehz. And he was whimpering away. This baby that came out of me, was a stranger, was not what I imagine babies to look like. I did not cry tears of happiness, I just kept staring at him while feeling miserable at the side effects of the epidural. Not the first meeting experience I imagined. I thought I will cry or at least tear and hold a really cute and chubby baby who will open his big eyes to look curiously at me, and look cheerful, I don't know how I can expect a newborn to look cheerful, but I just didn't know they'll cry and whimper for so long. And somehow R came out totally different from what I envision, and I guess I am one of those moms who did not fall in love right away, with my own baby.

So with experience already, so I did not expect C to come out of me all cuddly and cute. I expect (although I hope not) to see another dark, bloated and screaming baby being pull out of me. I heard the doctor said to me,"Wa! He is solid, very solid!"

I kind of expect my baby to be plump from the various gynae checkups, because every scan told me he is like a BIG baby, between 3.6kg-3.8kg. Then the pulling began and like quite difficult to pull out like that, coz took longer than R the last time, in my memory.

Rayson's theory is that R is breech, so he is easier to pull out as he is "leg first". C needs more skill from doctor to pull out, because other than C being "head down", he is also fatter lahz.

And after some pull and tug, finally C is out, but gynae did not show me baby at the first instance, unlike R's time. I heard the cry but did not see baby and was so relieved he is out and sounds like a strong little boy. He did not cry as loud, and his cries were actually shorter. Cried awhile and stopped already. Then I said to Ray,“看一下咧，黑的还是白的？” （Translated loosely: Take a look, is he dark or fair?) Ray took 1 or maybe 2 looks then tell me,“黑的。” (Translated loosely: Dark one.)

"Huh? Why I always carry dark baby in me? How the UV rays get in?"

Then finally after baby was cleaned and swaddled, he was placed on my chest, this time it's chest, and it was easier to look at baby! He was so fair! I don't know what is wrong with Rayson's eyesight. He was chubby and fair and not whimpering. Just sleeping peacefully in the swaddle as I carried him. I felt better this time round, the side effects of epidural was more manageable, so I was able to enjoy this short moment with him.

How I felt then?
I felt............................really thirsty.